Dating game

They wrote.

We chose. They're nervous, excited. Now meet 20 people who have won a chance at love in the 2006 Get A Relationship Challenge

Mar. 10, 2006

By Star Columnist, JUDY STEED

And the winners are ...

But first I have to tell you the response has been overwhelming. We received about 500 letters from readers who wanted to be part of our 2006 Get A Relationship Challenge. I read every letter, and I'm frankly amazed by the diversity, interests and accomplishments of everyone who wrote in, by your insights and willingness to let down your guard and open your hearts. Such honesty, such vulnerability in your search for "the one." It's truly inspiring.

For that reason alone we expanded the pool of participants from six to 20. We will follow them for four to six months as they explore the singles scene with the help of dating services paid for by the Star.

It's a lucrative market, prompting the rapid growth of companies ranging from traditional matchmakers to event organizers who set up dances, dinner parties and even skydiving expeditions.

We're talking about a demographic that has flown under the radar. Close to one-third of adults in most major North American cities, including Toronto, live alone. And, according to a recent Harlequin survey, 75 per cent are afraid to make the first move when they meet someone they like.

That means a lot of people need some help, just like our participants.

Let's meet the Winners!(PDF)

"Did you tell anybody? I didn't tell anybody."

It was exciting and daunting, for me and for them, as most of the participants in the Get A Relationship Challenge arrived at the Star last week to have their pictures taken. Three people couldn't make it and were "shot" later in the week. The water and cookies we ordered didn't arrive, so it was a party without refreshments. Which was duly noted. Sorry folks. We're learning as we go.

The amazing thing was that everyone looked and acted pretty much the way they'd presented themselves in their submissions. In other words, we were not disappointed.

Two professional singers Ellen, a mezzo-soprano, and Christina, who's sung the national anthem at Raptors and Blue Jays games opened their pipes for a glorious rendition of O Canada, with Kevin, a jazz trumpeter, accompanying them on his horn, which he'd brought along just in case.

Diane got Frank laughing while he was having his picture taken. Afterward, he drove her to her car, but Frankie Doiron, our relationship coach, put the brakes on any developing crushes. She asked people in her group not to date each other for the next four months. We had planned on putting eight people into Frankie's group, but the feedback at the photo shoot was that everyone was interested in getting coached, so Frankie's redoing her schedule to include all comers.

We're learning to be flexible and let the process evolve. Group dynamics will play a big role. Participants are coming up with all sorts of suggestions for singles events. Tod is a professional wine educator - he thinks the word "expert" is too grandiose - and wants to organize a wine tasting. Diane would like to go hiking with Meet Market Adventures. Eric wants to try DinnerWorks. The women are interested in matchmaking services, and I had to deliver the bad news. The matchmaking services that we are using have too many women on their books. They need men.

Tod says he's stunned. "This is what Miss America must feel like. Or a lottery winner, blinking in the lights, going, `Yeah, I just bought a ticket ... Now I'm a millionaire!'"

He can't get over the fact that he saw the notice in the Star for the relationship challenge and sent his application in. Normally, he hugs the sidelines. "This is something completely out of the blue, it's an adventure. It's nerve-wracking and I think it'll be fulfilling. It's making me feel (like), "Yeah, I'm a good person, I'm a man people might want to meet. It's helping me get over the feeling that, unless you're George Clooney, there's no point stepping out of the house."

He knows what women feel like, he says, bombarded by media images of perfection, feeling they never measure up. Men can feel the same way.

Linda Miller of Misty River Introductions is matchmaking for Tod. "She called me last week and said, `Okay, I've got three potential matches for you.' She read out the descriptions, they sounded fine. She sent head shots, they all looked fine. Then she called and said she has a fourth woman who'd like to meet me."

"It's absolutely bizarre," he says. "This thing hasn't even been put officially into print and Linda already has four people for me to meet. She has an agenda, which is good to see. She's hot to trot, she wants to get things moving - that's her job."

"Having someone looking for women for me, it's almost like having a `life headhunter.' The biggest impediment to me in dating is my own shyness and lack of self-esteem. I'm my own worst critic. But I'm getting over it. Linda says, `You've got what everybody wants. We'll get you out there and see what happens.' It's a really good experience for me in a way I would never have thought of doing on my own. Announcing my availability. Telling the world I'm dating, through the Star."

Next Story: What a Menu of Choices - March 17, 2006

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