Never Feel Rejected Again

by Frankie Doiron

If there is one common theme I hear repeatedly from the singles I coach, it would have to be how difficult it is to deal with rejection.

Rejection sucks: not only because of how it makes you feel (unwanted, unworthy, unattractive, inadequate...the list goes on), but because it can often trigger undignified behaviour in the one who was rejected. Unfortunately these behaviours only intensify the humiliation one feels at being rebuffed.

For example, if a man is not interested in a woman he’s met in a bar, his body language, tone of voice, facial expression, and even his words provide a crystal clear message that he wants to end the conversation. She may appear oblivious to his lack of interest and might continue to try to flirt with him, perhaps until he feels forced to be blunt or rude.

Why does the woman in this example not see the train wreck coming? Because something compels her to prove this man’s judgement about her is incorrect. In those moments her entire self-worth is wrapped up in a stranger’s hastily formed opinion of her. The result is self-debasement as she tries to further engage the man rather than extricating herself from the situation. At some inner level she is aware of what is occurring, which just adds to the pain and embarrassment she feels.

So, how does one handle rejection?

Most people believe there are only two ways to handle it:

• You either put your head down, suck up the emotional pain and stay in the game; or
• You yell "uncle", run for the hills and forget about playing the dating game altogether.

Well, neither of those options holds any appeal for me. The reason: both scenarios demonstrate a letting go of control by placing a single in the role of being the "chosen" versus the "chooser".

Dating for the purpose of finding a life partner is a serious endeavour. A great love match is an important component of a fulfilled life. It is why we all yearn to love and be loved.

Why then, would you permit a stranger to have any control whatsoever over this crucial area of your life?

When a single becomes conscious about who they are, what they want out of life and in a future partner, they shift into the "Chooser" mode. Conscious Dating becomes a means of "sorting" through potential candidates to find a person who matches your requirements.

It may seem like a rather pragmatic approach to a matter of the heart, but it makes perfect sense and it works.

By establishing your list of relationship needs and requirements, you will always be the Chooser. No more anxiously awaiting someone’s approval.

No more rejection.

Copyright 2006 by Frankie Doiron. All rights reserved.

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