The Case for Relationship Coaching

By David Steele

We have a powerful need and desire for coupling that drives us into and out of relationships. In recent times we seem to have developed a "need" to be happy and decreasing tolerance for delayed gratification. When we are single, we want to be in a relationship. When we are in an unhappy relationship most of us attempt to improve it and eventually leave if it doesn't get better.

A generation or two ago, men and women dated, married, had families, and rarely divorced. Everyone seemed to know the rules and followed them. "Fulfillment" was not a priority and unhappiness was not cause for divorce. Then our society changed, the rules changed, life and relationships became much more complex. We want to be happy, but we don't know how. We are traveling to a vague destination without a map or compass, and are not aware of what is causing us to be off track.

The following facts* form an unsettling picture of a western society that needs help. They make a real case for the necessity of relationship coaching:

• There are more single people today than ever in history;
• Over 25% of households are single occupant households (17% in 1970);
• 53% of households are married couples (70% in 1970);
• The marriage rate is decreasing, and is at its lowest in 30 years;
• The divorce rate has remained stable since 1988;
• While the exact divorce rate is a matter of debate, experts agree that somewhere between 40 and 60% of all marriages will end in divorce, and that for every two marriages there is about one divorce;
• Co-habitation is increasing;
• The percentage of young adults who say that having a good marriage is extremely important to them is increasing (94% in one study);
• The majority of first-born children are now conceived by, or born to, unmarried parents;
• Half of all children will spend some time in a single parent family;
• 43% of first marriages end within 15 years;
• 39% of remarriages end within 10 years;
• More than 85% of all adults marry at least once .

A summary of a 1999 study by David Popenoe and Barbara Dafoe Whitehead of the National Marriage Project of Rutgers University on "The State Of Our Unions: The Social Health Of Marriage in America" states:

"Key social indicators suggest a substantial weakening of the institution of marriage. Americans have become less likely to marry. When they do marry their marriages are less happy. And married couples face a high likelihood of divorce. Over the past four decades, marriage has declined as the first living together experience for couples and as a status of parenthood. Unmarried cohabitation and unwed births have grown enormously, and so has the percentage of children who grow up in fragile families."

* Note: US Statistics

Copyright 2003 by David Steele. All rights reserved.

Back to Articles