Creating Healthy, Intimate & Fulfilling Relationships

Frankie:
I hate Valentine's Day: the commercial frenzy; the happy couples; too many chocolates; and being alone and single. What a conspiracy! I feel left out and depressed. Help!!!

Chocolate Overdosed

Dear Chocoholic:

Snap out of it....and stop eating chocolate.

If you are unhappy about being single, do something about it. You have choices and instead of wallowing in what you don't have, think about what you want instead.

Being single is a great opportunity. You have love in your future, so look forward to it instead of moping around dragging a box of chocolates with you.

Here are my Top 10 Tips for singles on Valentine's Day...so listen up, missy:

1. Start Anew – Valentine’s Day can be your New Year’s resolution day for all elements of a year of new love!

2. If you dream of a happy romantic relationship, realize it takes commitment, effort and planning.

3. Identify any “baggage’ that holds you back from the relationship you truly want. For example: What are the areas in your life you need to change to be ready to meet love on love’s terms? Is your financial life out of whack; are you unhappy with your health and fitness? Do you feel your emotional or mental state is not quite ready? DO SOMETHING!

4. Sit down with the above in mind and honestly assess your relationship ‘readiness’ skills. What are your deal-breakers? Your values and life vision?

5. As clichéd as it sounds, it all starts with a positive attitude and happiness inside. Live your life as a successful single – don’t put your life on hold while you wait for your partner to show up. Have fun!

6. Celebrate -- Valentine’s Day is a great excuse to celebrate life and love. Don’t be cynical. Shower yourself with love and/or spend time with a friend or relative who loves you unconditionally. Book a day at the spa and pamper yourself. You deserve it!


7. Take some risks and experience things you dare not usually do. Smile and engage in conversation with strangers wherever you are. You may be surprised at the response and at how good you feel.

8. Recognize opportunities – say yes when you might want to say no!

9. Take the initiative, keep it light. Invite someone out. If making a Valentine's date is awkward, aim for the 13th or 15th.

10. Organize a dinner with other singles or plan a singles Valentine’s Bash and go dancing. Celebrate being single -- this is a wonderful time in your life, so enjoy it!

Frankie,
I have heard some horror stories about bad experiences with online dating. Is it unsafe to date someone you meet online?

Terrified in Victoria

Dear Terri:
Online dating can be a fun and effective way of meeting other singles, but it does present challenges.

While most singles take precautionary measures when dating strangers, online daters need to deal with ‘virtual intimacy’, often resulting in a false sense of security. Just because you have bared your soul, doesn’t mean you know that person or should drop your guard. On the contrary – singles should be especially vigilant about maintaining their boundaries, just like you would on any first date, testing the real person against the ‘online persona’.

Crucial online dating tips:

1. Schedule a Face-to-Face meeting as soon as possible. Find out sooner than later whether your cyber attraction translates well into the physical world.

2. Trust your instincts. If something doesn't seem right, don’t ignore it. Ask questions about anything that doesn’t seem right.

3. Don’t Provide your Personal Information. Use a free email account and never provide your home or work telephone numbers (it is easy to find an address through a telephone number).

4. Take your Time and Get to Know the Person. Let the relationship develop slowly while screening and testing for compatibility and inconsistencies.

5. Report any Threats. Don’t hesitate to report any threats or harassment to the police and the online dating service.