To Compromise or Not to Compromise?
Hi Frankie,
I just broke up with a woman I've being dating for two months. At the time I thought things were going well. Since nobody is a perfect fit with another, she would sometimes ask me to change a behaviour or habit if it bothered her. The relationship was evolving into what I thought was something with potential and there was a give and take between the two of us.
Unfortunately what precipitated the break-up was when she stopped asking and started to issue an ultimatum. What bothered me about this situation was the demand was so trivial (ex. type of food eaten - and no she's not religious).
I broke this off and told her that, although I'm happy to accommodate and compromise for those I am close to I can't live with a relationship based on fear ('Change this habit or it's over). But unfortunately I'm beginning to second guess myself. It was after all a pretty trivial request. I've asked myself over and over again that this was the correct decision but lately there's this shadow of doubt in my mind. Why is this doubt creeping into my mind?
James
James:
Compromise only works in a committed long term relationship when both partners have a strong desire to support one another and understand that on occasion some compromise may be necessary. It is not something any dating single should consider doing with a potential mate. Stay the course and be in alignment with your requirements.
What you described is dictatorial behaviour and seemingly unreasonable requests from a controlling individual. (You didn't want me to sugar coat this, did you?)
I want to give you a 'high 5' a 'low five' and a hug for doing what you intuitively knew was best for YOU!
Ask yourself this: What were the feelings you had about her requests that lead you to break it off? Did you feel controlled? Did she make you feel unworthy? Did you sense that this was the tip of the iceberg and rather than getting better things were going to escalate?
Trust yourself and the choice you made. The reason you are having doubts now may have to do with you not being in a relationship and wanting one. But James, imagine what that relationship would look like if you did a fast forward. If she is petty and controlling now when she is just beginning to know you, how would she be in 3 years with a ring on her finger and a baby on the way?
Move on...learn the lessons from this experience...and keep looking for the woman who will think you are amazing...food choices and all!
Good luck!
Frankie
I just broke up with a woman I've being dating for two months. At the time I thought things were going well. Since nobody is a perfect fit with another, she would sometimes ask me to change a behaviour or habit if it bothered her. The relationship was evolving into what I thought was something with potential and there was a give and take between the two of us.
Unfortunately what precipitated the break-up was when she stopped asking and started to issue an ultimatum. What bothered me about this situation was the demand was so trivial (ex. type of food eaten - and no she's not religious).
I broke this off and told her that, although I'm happy to accommodate and compromise for those I am close to I can't live with a relationship based on fear ('Change this habit or it's over). But unfortunately I'm beginning to second guess myself. It was after all a pretty trivial request. I've asked myself over and over again that this was the correct decision but lately there's this shadow of doubt in my mind. Why is this doubt creeping into my mind?
James
James:
Compromise only works in a committed long term relationship when both partners have a strong desire to support one another and understand that on occasion some compromise may be necessary. It is not something any dating single should consider doing with a potential mate. Stay the course and be in alignment with your requirements.
What you described is dictatorial behaviour and seemingly unreasonable requests from a controlling individual. (You didn't want me to sugar coat this, did you?)
I want to give you a 'high 5' a 'low five' and a hug for doing what you intuitively knew was best for YOU!
Ask yourself this: What were the feelings you had about her requests that lead you to break it off? Did you feel controlled? Did she make you feel unworthy? Did you sense that this was the tip of the iceberg and rather than getting better things were going to escalate?
Trust yourself and the choice you made. The reason you are having doubts now may have to do with you not being in a relationship and wanting one. But James, imagine what that relationship would look like if you did a fast forward. If she is petty and controlling now when she is just beginning to know you, how would she be in 3 years with a ring on her finger and a baby on the way?
Move on...learn the lessons from this experience...and keep looking for the woman who will think you are amazing...food choices and all!
Good luck!
Frankie
1 Comments:
Thanks Frankie! I had that gut feeling and thanks for confirming it. I also want to thank you for getting rid of this second guessing.
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