Dilemmas of a 30 Year Old Virgin
I'm a single attractive, 30-something female. I am intelligent and fit, however I am shy especially in dating situations. The thing I'm finding is I either attract men who are just like me who are fearful of making the first move and our relationship fizzles before there is a chance for sparks or aggressive ones that think I might sleep with them on the first date. Why can't I meet someone in the middle of these two types? What am I doing wrong?
Another issue is that I am Catholic and although I may not be adverse to pre-marital sex all together, I know I will not have sex before the relationship is exclusive and long term and thus far this has left me a virgin at 30-something. I am often unsure when I should bring this up. I've done both, not mentioned it at all and waited to see if the relationship moves in that direction. This has garnered mixed results including one man telling me I should have told him right away and he wouldn't have wasted his time. I know, I know, he was a loser anyway, but does he have a point?
The other tactic is to tell them early and let them decide if they want to stick around. The negative side of this is that I've had men who find it appealing that he might 'deflower a virgin' and it turns him on.
How do I know when to tell someone so it seems fair to both of us and so neither one of us is hurt?
30 Year Old Virgin
Dear V:
The purpose of dating is to screen potential partners based on your relationship requirements and shared values. This process takes time.
You should express your views on pre-marital sex during the first few dates to weed out those men who are only looking for a quick tumble in the sack. But your virginity is a private matter - you are not obligated to share that information with anyone unless you feel comfortable doing so. Therefore I don’t recommend revealing it until you’ve had at least 3 dates. By then you will both know whether you want to get to know each other better.
If a man gets ‘hurt’ because you didn’t tell him early on that you were a virgin, I would question his motives and count yourself fortunate that you found out sooner than later.
There are many wonderful single men out there, however you may need to ‘kiss’ a lot of frogs before you find your Mr. Right. Just don’t give up.
Another issue is that I am Catholic and although I may not be adverse to pre-marital sex all together, I know I will not have sex before the relationship is exclusive and long term and thus far this has left me a virgin at 30-something. I am often unsure when I should bring this up. I've done both, not mentioned it at all and waited to see if the relationship moves in that direction. This has garnered mixed results including one man telling me I should have told him right away and he wouldn't have wasted his time. I know, I know, he was a loser anyway, but does he have a point?
The other tactic is to tell them early and let them decide if they want to stick around. The negative side of this is that I've had men who find it appealing that he might 'deflower a virgin' and it turns him on.
How do I know when to tell someone so it seems fair to both of us and so neither one of us is hurt?
30 Year Old Virgin
Dear V:
The purpose of dating is to screen potential partners based on your relationship requirements and shared values. This process takes time.
You should express your views on pre-marital sex during the first few dates to weed out those men who are only looking for a quick tumble in the sack. But your virginity is a private matter - you are not obligated to share that information with anyone unless you feel comfortable doing so. Therefore I don’t recommend revealing it until you’ve had at least 3 dates. By then you will both know whether you want to get to know each other better.
If a man gets ‘hurt’ because you didn’t tell him early on that you were a virgin, I would question his motives and count yourself fortunate that you found out sooner than later.
There are many wonderful single men out there, however you may need to ‘kiss’ a lot of frogs before you find your Mr. Right. Just don’t give up.
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home