Shy Men and Asking for the Date
Hi Frankie
I have rather an interesting (in my opinion) dilemma.
I work evenings/nights in a seniors retirement residence ( actually a great place to meet people as their sons are most often my age and when visiting their mom and or dad I have ample opportunity to get to know who is single ,married , unavailable or what have you.
My problem is that I am not the least interested in any of these fellows but am in the Purolator delivery person. I know this is so totally ' cliché' but what can I say. Have learned through various contacts that he is single ,is about my age and is very shy.
Do I bite the bullet and ask him to go for coffee?
My constant problem is my work hours. I absolutely love my job as it is a complete turnaround from years of being a professional ( nursing administrator /teacher) now semi retired and financially independent.
Silly question I guess
Ruth
Ruth:
It is not a silly question at all.
Old dating rules no longer apply…but unfortunately no one knows what the ‘new’ rules are, which makes dating protocols pretty confusing.
Men typically like to ‘ask’ for the date, however most need clear signals that a woman likes them before they will risk the asking and face possible rejection. Shy men are even more reticent to take the leap. Women can definitely indicate their interest in having a coffee. But they need to do it in a way that gives the man the “choice” to ask her.
Here is what I suggest:
If you haven’t engaged your Purolator man in light, easy conversation yet, you need to start doing that every time you see him. This will create a comfortable space between you. You might begin by saying something very general like “How are you doing today?” and offering a sincere compliment like “I am always impressed by how professional you look, even on a wet day like today!”.
The next time you see him you could smile and say “Good to see you again today. By the way, my name is Ruth. See you tomorrow”.
Keep engaging him in conversation over several days and watch for signs of interest. Is he looking for you when he walks through the door, or does he seem ready to bolt every time he sees you?
If the signals indicate a green light, gradually increase the intimacy by sharing small bits of personal information and asking about his situation. You might share that your nephew is thinking about a job as a courier and ask whether he would need a special class of driver’s license. You want to create opportunities for unobtrusive, light conversation.
When you think the timing is right, say “If you ever want to grab a quick cup of coffee, let me know…I’d enjoy getting to know you if you are interested and available.”
If he doesn’t take you up on it, you know he is not interested. Don’t be offended. Continue to smile and say hello but don’t continue to engage in prolonged conversation.
Good Luck and keep me posted on what happens!
I have rather an interesting (in my opinion) dilemma.
I work evenings/nights in a seniors retirement residence ( actually a great place to meet people as their sons are most often my age and when visiting their mom and or dad I have ample opportunity to get to know who is single ,married , unavailable or what have you.
My problem is that I am not the least interested in any of these fellows but am in the Purolator delivery person. I know this is so totally ' cliché' but what can I say. Have learned through various contacts that he is single ,is about my age and is very shy.
Do I bite the bullet and ask him to go for coffee?
My constant problem is my work hours. I absolutely love my job as it is a complete turnaround from years of being a professional ( nursing administrator /teacher) now semi retired and financially independent.
Silly question I guess
Ruth
Ruth:
It is not a silly question at all.
Old dating rules no longer apply…but unfortunately no one knows what the ‘new’ rules are, which makes dating protocols pretty confusing.
Men typically like to ‘ask’ for the date, however most need clear signals that a woman likes them before they will risk the asking and face possible rejection. Shy men are even more reticent to take the leap. Women can definitely indicate their interest in having a coffee. But they need to do it in a way that gives the man the “choice” to ask her.
Here is what I suggest:
If you haven’t engaged your Purolator man in light, easy conversation yet, you need to start doing that every time you see him. This will create a comfortable space between you. You might begin by saying something very general like “How are you doing today?” and offering a sincere compliment like “I am always impressed by how professional you look, even on a wet day like today!”.
The next time you see him you could smile and say “Good to see you again today. By the way, my name is Ruth. See you tomorrow”.
Keep engaging him in conversation over several days and watch for signs of interest. Is he looking for you when he walks through the door, or does he seem ready to bolt every time he sees you?
If the signals indicate a green light, gradually increase the intimacy by sharing small bits of personal information and asking about his situation. You might share that your nephew is thinking about a job as a courier and ask whether he would need a special class of driver’s license. You want to create opportunities for unobtrusive, light conversation.
When you think the timing is right, say “If you ever want to grab a quick cup of coffee, let me know…I’d enjoy getting to know you if you are interested and available.”
If he doesn’t take you up on it, you know he is not interested. Don’t be offended. Continue to smile and say hello but don’t continue to engage in prolonged conversation.
Good Luck and keep me posted on what happens!
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