Creating Healthy, Intimate & Fulfilling Relationships

Sarah:

Knowing when to introduce your children to a romantic interest is always tricky and every situation is different, but here are some guidelines:

1. Keep dates away from your home and children in the early stages of dating. Introductions should be reserved for dates who have the potential to become a future partner. Children can have high expectations and a relationship that doesn’t work out could be disappointing for them, especially if they have formed an attachment.

2. Make sure your dates are aware that you have children and that you want to put your children’s well being FIRST and take a new relationship very slow. Make certain your date has met your relationship requirements and has a high level of compatibility with you. Trust your intuition. If you don’t feel comfortable with something that person says or does, put the brakes on without delay.

3. The term "Friend" is appropriate for someone you're dating and at the outset of a relationship, it should also be true. When the time is right introduce your “friend”, include him in an outing that requires little one-on-one interaction – like a movie. Gradually increase the children’s exposure to him over time.

4. Don't expect your children to immediately adore your romantic interest or feel like you are an ‘instant’ family. They have a right to their own feelings. Anticipate your children’s reactions by understanding their perspective: a 12 year old may decide to dislike anyone you bring home, while a 6 year old might become too quickly attached.

5. Listen to your children. Pay attention to their reactions and to what they say about your date. Listen to the opinion of your friends and family as well.

6. Don't put your date in a position of making decisions about the kids, or in the middle of disputes between you and them, or you and their other parent.

7. Keep your promises to your children and don't interrupt their routines to date.