Creating Healthy, Intimate & Fulfilling Relationships

I just broke up with my girlfriend of 3 years about a month ago. I'm a 32 year old successful mortgage broker. I really wanted to get married, but she decided she just wasn't ready, that she wanted to concentrate on her career. I needed to move on because I want to get married and have a family and I know that wasn't going to happen with her. My career is great and I'm ready to settle down. I just thought it would be with her.

I've been feeling sad and lonely since the breakup. I made a clean cut because I didn't want to be emailing and talking on the phone as that would make things worse. I'm feeling a little hopeless about the future because I need to start all over to find the right woman for me. It seems like a daunting task!

My question is how do you work through the awful feelings as quickly as possible? I don't want to spend the rest of the year like this. I want to get out there and date again, but I know I'm just not ready. Do you have any suggestions on how to work through this and how to get back on track and focused as quickly as possible?

Derek

Derek,

Derek:
You made a tough choice, one most people wouldn’t have had the courage to act on: you ended a relationship with a woman you loved because of significant incompatibility. The issue of having children is without middle ground or room for compromise. Many people make the mistake of staying in a relationship even though some of their fundamental requirements are not being met. That’s why divorce rates are so high.

It is natural to feel sad and lonely because you are mourning your lost love, so take time to grieve. The experience of the last three years was not a waste; it played an important role in your personal growth - allow yourself to honor that. But rather than feel hopeless, try to envision a future of wonderful possibilities and hope! Now you have a real chance of finding exactly what you are looking for in a partner. Your likelihood of relationship success is extremely high, because you’ve demonstrated you have what it takes to make difficult choices based on your values and life goals.

Don’t feel pressured by time – remember slow and steady wins the race and since your eyes are wide open you will get there without detours.

Good Luck!