Does Age Matter?
I’m a 36 year old woman, divorced 5 years, with no children. I met a man who is 57 years old. He has three older children, all who are married, successful and with families of their own.
We’ve been dating for three months.
We haven’t been intimate yet because we both agreed we want to build a solid relationship together. We really enjoy the time we share, which is balanced with activities, talking, and meeting each other’s friends and family. It almost seems like a dream come true. It’s really important to us that we invest in each other before we take another step forward. We have talked, but not in detail, about getting married. It is something that we both want very much and we plan to explore it further.
My concern is our 20 year age difference. I would like your thoughts on how that might affect our relationship. Some of my friends think he’s too old for me, others think I like him because he’s well off (I’m well off too, I own a recruiting company which is very successful), while others say I’ll get stuck taking care of him during the best years of my life. I don’t like all of this negative feedback, but I would like to be more clear on this matter. Does age matter when you’re in love?
Cheryl
Dear Cheryl:
It sounds like you are developing a solid foundation for a loving and compatible relationship.
Relationship compatibility has nothing to do with age: it is about two likeminded people sharing a common life vision, core values and goals. However, you are correct to question whether the age difference will affect your relationship, since it is causing you (and your friends) concern.
A 20 year age gap may reveal differences like preferences in music, recreational activities, energy levels and social views. The question you need to ask is whether these differences are significant enough to undermine the relationship.
Sexual performance is another area of potential concern, as your partner is nearing 60. Are you sexually compatible? How important is sex to both of you? If problems arise, what are your views on performance enhancing drugs?
There are never any guarantees about what the future will hold. You could marry a man your own age only to have him become incapacitated by an accident. Your 57 year old friend could live a very healthy and active life well into his 80s.
Trust your heart. The ‘best years’ of your life are what you make of them and are about quality, not quantity.
We’ve been dating for three months.
We haven’t been intimate yet because we both agreed we want to build a solid relationship together. We really enjoy the time we share, which is balanced with activities, talking, and meeting each other’s friends and family. It almost seems like a dream come true. It’s really important to us that we invest in each other before we take another step forward. We have talked, but not in detail, about getting married. It is something that we both want very much and we plan to explore it further.
My concern is our 20 year age difference. I would like your thoughts on how that might affect our relationship. Some of my friends think he’s too old for me, others think I like him because he’s well off (I’m well off too, I own a recruiting company which is very successful), while others say I’ll get stuck taking care of him during the best years of my life. I don’t like all of this negative feedback, but I would like to be more clear on this matter. Does age matter when you’re in love?
Cheryl
Dear Cheryl:
It sounds like you are developing a solid foundation for a loving and compatible relationship.
Relationship compatibility has nothing to do with age: it is about two likeminded people sharing a common life vision, core values and goals. However, you are correct to question whether the age difference will affect your relationship, since it is causing you (and your friends) concern.
A 20 year age gap may reveal differences like preferences in music, recreational activities, energy levels and social views. The question you need to ask is whether these differences are significant enough to undermine the relationship.
Sexual performance is another area of potential concern, as your partner is nearing 60. Are you sexually compatible? How important is sex to both of you? If problems arise, what are your views on performance enhancing drugs?
There are never any guarantees about what the future will hold. You could marry a man your own age only to have him become incapacitated by an accident. Your 57 year old friend could live a very healthy and active life well into his 80s.
Trust your heart. The ‘best years’ of your life are what you make of them and are about quality, not quantity.
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