Sex is a No No
Dear Frankie:
Finally I have mustered the courage to write in .....here goes. My boyfriend and i have been seeing each other for just over two years. The first year was exciting and intimacy was no problem at all. The second year started off with a bang and now we rarely have sex. This is not a problem on my part. I love being with him. He on the other had has issues, he is always tired or will simply refuse to have sex. He has no problem with cuddling or being lovey dovey but when it comes to sex that is a straight no no. I have tried several times to find out and ask what the problem is. Each time he ignores the topic. Help me Frankie, because I feel as though without sex this relationship is doomed. I love my man but feel as though I'm not good enough for him. I take excellent care of myself, and always am very affectionate. He on the other hand is somewhat affectionate and doesn't take care of his outward look. Help Me. Signed No Intimacy Woman.
Francesca
Francesca:
I'm glad you wrote.
Something is definitely wrong with this picture. The frequency with which couples engage in sex does diminish over time. Initially couples who may have sex on a daily basis, gradually move to 3-4 times a week after a year or two – and then less frequently as time progresses, because life gets in the way. Couples need to work at making time for sex, as it plays an important role in helping them to stay bonded. Plus it feels good!
You have the right to some answers so you can make an informed choice about whether you want to continue this relationship. Sometimes love just isn’t enough. Sex is a necessary part of a loving partnership, so don’t fall into the trap of trying to justify why you should accept a relationship that doesn't include sexual intimacy. Can you honestly envision spending the rest of your life with a man who won't have sex with you? Is that acceptable to you...honestly? Don't you deserve a wonderful relationship that has it all? Please don't settle for less than what you want.
And Francesca…this is about him and NOT you, so STOP thinking that you are not good enough. I think you have been extremely patient and supportive – now it’s time for him to fess up. It is your right to know the truth. Is he on anti-depressant medication? Is he conflicted about his sexual orientation? Is he seeing someone else? What is going on?
Tell him you need to discuss this matter and don’t take no for an answer.
Good luck!
Finally I have mustered the courage to write in .....here goes. My boyfriend and i have been seeing each other for just over two years. The first year was exciting and intimacy was no problem at all. The second year started off with a bang and now we rarely have sex. This is not a problem on my part. I love being with him. He on the other had has issues, he is always tired or will simply refuse to have sex. He has no problem with cuddling or being lovey dovey but when it comes to sex that is a straight no no. I have tried several times to find out and ask what the problem is. Each time he ignores the topic. Help me Frankie, because I feel as though without sex this relationship is doomed. I love my man but feel as though I'm not good enough for him. I take excellent care of myself, and always am very affectionate. He on the other hand is somewhat affectionate and doesn't take care of his outward look. Help Me. Signed No Intimacy Woman.
Francesca
Francesca:
I'm glad you wrote.
Something is definitely wrong with this picture. The frequency with which couples engage in sex does diminish over time. Initially couples who may have sex on a daily basis, gradually move to 3-4 times a week after a year or two – and then less frequently as time progresses, because life gets in the way. Couples need to work at making time for sex, as it plays an important role in helping them to stay bonded. Plus it feels good!
You have the right to some answers so you can make an informed choice about whether you want to continue this relationship. Sometimes love just isn’t enough. Sex is a necessary part of a loving partnership, so don’t fall into the trap of trying to justify why you should accept a relationship that doesn't include sexual intimacy. Can you honestly envision spending the rest of your life with a man who won't have sex with you? Is that acceptable to you...honestly? Don't you deserve a wonderful relationship that has it all? Please don't settle for less than what you want.
And Francesca…this is about him and NOT you, so STOP thinking that you are not good enough. I think you have been extremely patient and supportive – now it’s time for him to fess up. It is your right to know the truth. Is he on anti-depressant medication? Is he conflicted about his sexual orientation? Is he seeing someone else? What is going on?
Tell him you need to discuss this matter and don’t take no for an answer.
Good luck!
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