Once a Bachelor, Always a Bachelor?
I’m 37 years old and I’m dating a man who’s 45. We’ve both never been married, but I have been engaged in the past but had to break it off because of my ex-finance’s parents who interfered with the relationship. The man I’m currently dating has never been married, but he says it’s something he really wants to do.
We’ve been dating for about 3 months and have talked about marriage, but in a general sense. He’s never asked anyone to marry him before and that worries me. It also worries me that he hasn’t been married – he hasn’t made any type of commitment to anyone! We really enjoy spending time together and I wonder if there might be a long-term commitment in the future.
My girlfriends and guy friends say that I should move on, that men in their 40’s who have never made a commitment of any sort are really not good choices for dating. They don’t think he’ll change with me. I must admit I have my doubts as well as I read somewhere that men over 40 have a very slim chance of ever getting married. Also, at this age, he’s probably quite set in his ways and I wonder how that would affect him letting anyone in to his life.
Can you shed any light on this issue? Do you think I should cut my losses and move on? I’m just not so sure what to think? Do you think I’m dating someone who intends to stay a bachelor for life?
Heather
Heather:
It is likely too early to determine whether you two have a future together as you have only been dating for 3 months, but some of your concerns need to be discussed with him. It appears you are looking for a long term committed relationship and are proceeding with him on that basis. Is he looking for commitment as well? If you are both on the same track, then the next step is taking the time to ensure you are compatible for a long term partnership. If you have different goals and requirements then yes, you do need to move on.
Just because an individual has never been married doesn’t mean there is cause for concern. Look at your own situation – there are reasons why you haven’t been married yet – doesn’t mean there is anything wrong with you! Many singles don’t want to make a mistake and are very choosey and careful about entering into commitment -- which is a good thing.
Frankie
We’ve been dating for about 3 months and have talked about marriage, but in a general sense. He’s never asked anyone to marry him before and that worries me. It also worries me that he hasn’t been married – he hasn’t made any type of commitment to anyone! We really enjoy spending time together and I wonder if there might be a long-term commitment in the future.
My girlfriends and guy friends say that I should move on, that men in their 40’s who have never made a commitment of any sort are really not good choices for dating. They don’t think he’ll change with me. I must admit I have my doubts as well as I read somewhere that men over 40 have a very slim chance of ever getting married. Also, at this age, he’s probably quite set in his ways and I wonder how that would affect him letting anyone in to his life.
Can you shed any light on this issue? Do you think I should cut my losses and move on? I’m just not so sure what to think? Do you think I’m dating someone who intends to stay a bachelor for life?
Heather
Heather:
It is likely too early to determine whether you two have a future together as you have only been dating for 3 months, but some of your concerns need to be discussed with him. It appears you are looking for a long term committed relationship and are proceeding with him on that basis. Is he looking for commitment as well? If you are both on the same track, then the next step is taking the time to ensure you are compatible for a long term partnership. If you have different goals and requirements then yes, you do need to move on.
Just because an individual has never been married doesn’t mean there is cause for concern. Look at your own situation – there are reasons why you haven’t been married yet – doesn’t mean there is anything wrong with you! Many singles don’t want to make a mistake and are very choosey and careful about entering into commitment -- which is a good thing.
Frankie
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