Husband is 'out to lunch'
Dear Frankie:
I am married with 3 kids and feel like I am alone in my marriage. My husband acts like my 4th child. He is so uninvolved in parenting choosing to be the buddy rather than the Dad and undermines me at every turn. He sets a poor example for our kids because he is a big slob. When I try to discuss that our marriage isn't working he just gets hostile and refuses to communicate. I am so unhappy and don't know what to do. I am afraid of where this is heading.
Donna
Donna:
Your relationship needs professional help. If the two of you don't start communicating and working together to get your marriage back on track it will only be a matter of time before it implodes.
Step one is to get your husband to agree to see a marriage counsellor or relationship coach. Set aside a time when the kids are in bed or elsewhere, to have a chat. Tell him you are very worried about where the marriage is heading and are concerned about the welfare of your children should the marriage dissolve. Express that you understand he also has needs that are not being met within the marriage and that you want both of you to be happy in your relationship. Ask him if he is willing to work with you to get some professional help to save your marriage.
Donna, try not to be confrontative or accusatory. The marriage is in its current state because the two of you do not have a win/win process for communicating what you are feeling. As a result there is a lot of pent up anger and hostility that both of you are venting. Unfortunately your children are the casualties of that power struggle.
I always advise couples to look at their options. If they don't take action to change and improve their relationship what will be the outcome? How will it affect their lives and that of their children? Taking a hard look at those unpleasant scenarios can be quite sobering.
You can affect dramatic and positive changes in a marriage if you make the decision to do so. Getting help is the first step.
Good luck!
I am married with 3 kids and feel like I am alone in my marriage. My husband acts like my 4th child. He is so uninvolved in parenting choosing to be the buddy rather than the Dad and undermines me at every turn. He sets a poor example for our kids because he is a big slob. When I try to discuss that our marriage isn't working he just gets hostile and refuses to communicate. I am so unhappy and don't know what to do. I am afraid of where this is heading.
Donna
Donna:
Your relationship needs professional help. If the two of you don't start communicating and working together to get your marriage back on track it will only be a matter of time before it implodes.
Step one is to get your husband to agree to see a marriage counsellor or relationship coach. Set aside a time when the kids are in bed or elsewhere, to have a chat. Tell him you are very worried about where the marriage is heading and are concerned about the welfare of your children should the marriage dissolve. Express that you understand he also has needs that are not being met within the marriage and that you want both of you to be happy in your relationship. Ask him if he is willing to work with you to get some professional help to save your marriage.
Donna, try not to be confrontative or accusatory. The marriage is in its current state because the two of you do not have a win/win process for communicating what you are feeling. As a result there is a lot of pent up anger and hostility that both of you are venting. Unfortunately your children are the casualties of that power struggle.
I always advise couples to look at their options. If they don't take action to change and improve their relationship what will be the outcome? How will it affect their lives and that of their children? Taking a hard look at those unpleasant scenarios can be quite sobering.
You can affect dramatic and positive changes in a marriage if you make the decision to do so. Getting help is the first step.
Good luck!
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