Caught in the Middle
I met a woman three years ago and fell in love with her. We had a wonderful first year together and I proposed. She was everything I wanted in a wife. She was clear with me that she really wasn't interested in having children. She was much more focused on her career. That wasn't a big deal to me. Our families were very supportive of our relationship. Everything seemed great.
Then, about six months after we became engaged, she developed a debilitating illness. She was hospitalized for a couple of weeks. Eventually she moved in with me. It turns out that her illness is chronic and will only continue to progress. She is very depressed about this as you can imagine. All her plans for a career have been derailed. She is unable to do a lot of the things she did in the past.
Some members of my family are now concerned about our getting married. They question the kind of life we can have together. They don't like it that we won't be having children. She has learned about this and it is creating difficulties for us.
I love my fiance and I love my family. How do I handle this?
Caught in the middle
Dear Caught in the Middle:
There are two issues here:
1. A life altering situation has developed with your fiancée that has changed her perspective, goals and state of mind. It also will impact your own life significantly.
2. Your family is naturally concerned about your future, however their expression of concern is creating a problem.
The questions you need to ask yourself are: How does your fiancée's situation impact you? How will this affect your future life together? Do you have any unspoken concerns about moving forward with marriage?
If you are still committed to the relationship then you need to advise your family of your decision and request that they do not express unsolicited opinions about your life with your partner. Ask for their support in helping both of you through a very difficult time.
I also recommend that you consider coaching or counselling for your partner and perhaps yourself. You are facing some challenges and both need to be fully present to deal with them effectively. Depression is debilitating and will rob you of the opportunity to manage this crisis successfully.
All the best to you both,
Frankie
Then, about six months after we became engaged, she developed a debilitating illness. She was hospitalized for a couple of weeks. Eventually she moved in with me. It turns out that her illness is chronic and will only continue to progress. She is very depressed about this as you can imagine. All her plans for a career have been derailed. She is unable to do a lot of the things she did in the past.
Some members of my family are now concerned about our getting married. They question the kind of life we can have together. They don't like it that we won't be having children. She has learned about this and it is creating difficulties for us.
I love my fiance and I love my family. How do I handle this?
Caught in the middle
Dear Caught in the Middle:
There are two issues here:
1. A life altering situation has developed with your fiancée that has changed her perspective, goals and state of mind. It also will impact your own life significantly.
2. Your family is naturally concerned about your future, however their expression of concern is creating a problem.
The questions you need to ask yourself are: How does your fiancée's situation impact you? How will this affect your future life together? Do you have any unspoken concerns about moving forward with marriage?
If you are still committed to the relationship then you need to advise your family of your decision and request that they do not express unsolicited opinions about your life with your partner. Ask for their support in helping both of you through a very difficult time.
I also recommend that you consider coaching or counselling for your partner and perhaps yourself. You are facing some challenges and both need to be fully present to deal with them effectively. Depression is debilitating and will rob you of the opportunity to manage this crisis successfully.
All the best to you both,
Frankie
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