Tongue Tied
Question:
I am a decent looking guy, am fit, pretty balanced, own my home and have a well paying job. All my friends don't understand why I'm not already married. They think I am a great catch. So here is my question: Why do I have such a difficult time approaching women to ask them out? I get so nervous I actually get tongue tied and feel like a complete idiot. The result is I no longer even try to ask women out. I am beginning to think I'll be a bachelor forever.
Tongue Tied
Dear Tongue Tied:
I suspect you are focusing too much on the anticipated 'outcome' of your encounters with women. Take it one step at a time. Step one is engaging in light conversation with no other objective than to have a pleasant chat. That way you will feel no pressure and hopefully no anxiety to 'perform' and be the perfect potential date.
Just be you. You have friends who think very highly of you, so you must have some great qualities. Just be your authentic self and try not to overthink the situation.
If you find you have some things in common with a woman, and would like to get to know her better, try asking her to join you at an activity that interests both of you.
Frankie
I am a decent looking guy, am fit, pretty balanced, own my home and have a well paying job. All my friends don't understand why I'm not already married. They think I am a great catch. So here is my question: Why do I have such a difficult time approaching women to ask them out? I get so nervous I actually get tongue tied and feel like a complete idiot. The result is I no longer even try to ask women out. I am beginning to think I'll be a bachelor forever.
Tongue Tied
Dear Tongue Tied:
I suspect you are focusing too much on the anticipated 'outcome' of your encounters with women. Take it one step at a time. Step one is engaging in light conversation with no other objective than to have a pleasant chat. That way you will feel no pressure and hopefully no anxiety to 'perform' and be the perfect potential date.
Just be you. You have friends who think very highly of you, so you must have some great qualities. Just be your authentic self and try not to overthink the situation.
If you find you have some things in common with a woman, and would like to get to know her better, try asking her to join you at an activity that interests both of you.
Frankie
2 Comments:
I have been complaining bitterly to my girlfriends about the lack of decent men to date. After reading tongue-tied's letter I realize how standoffish I act when I am out with my friends. Pity the poor guy who dares to approach any of us. We are wicked.
I have always viewed confidence as a black or white thing. If a man doesn't have it, I am not interested, but now I have to re-examine my behaviour around this and am wondering if all this time I have been in the midst of decent men. My malicious skewering of them never gave me a chance to find out.
Wow. I don't feel very proud of myself. I 'm also wondering if I reaped what I sowed as they say.
Too ashamed to leave a name
Dear Ashamed:
Been there and it sucks when you realize that you get back exactly what you expect - whether it is good or bad.
I know it is a pain to be hit on in bars by guys who act like creeps. But ask yourself this: If you are serious about meeting a person in a bar, then why not be open and friendly. And if you are there just to have a good time with your friends and you are hit on, there is still no reason to be nasty. You can turn down someone just as easily by being polite as you can by being hurtful.
In the long run we all co-create our reality. There are thousands of decent, bright, caring men out there. Ladies...give them a chance to show you their authentic self.
Post a Comment
<< Home